Guess what!! I'M BACK!!!!!!!!
Ok well, maybe... I woke up feeling the urge to write, which is a big deal considering I haven't been in the mood to for a few months. I probably lost all 6 of my readers.
Hellooooo?? Are you out there??? Did I lose yall?? COME BACK! PLEASE! I'LL BE BETTER, I'LL BE FUNNIER, I'LL GET SKINNIER!!
Not going to lie, although I am still doing my thing and working out with my PT... the last 2 months have been rough. I'm exhausted. Work has been...well...interesting... and everything was kinda spinning out of control and I was easily distracted and not as focused as I should have been. Or at least not focused on what I should have been focused on, my health. Then add the holidays on top of that, and well, I only lost about 5lbs in the last 2 months. Blah blah blah, I know, at least I didn't gain anything, but still, I am not paying an arm and a leg to a PT so that I can screw it up on my own and only lose 5lbs. On the bright side, I ate like a queen over Thanksgiving, thanks to my awesome Aunt! I may or may not have a lil cajun somewhere in me... mmm. And then after Thanksgiving came a month of Christmas parties every other night. All my customers and partners throw lavish parties for the holidays and you are expected to attend and honestly, the food and drinks are to die for so, I got off course a itty bit :-) Cant blame a girl though, I mean seriously, I live in NYC (ok ok technically NJ), but I am surrounded with some of the best food in the world. It would be a waste if I didn't sample here and there!!!
Point is: I might have veered off course, but I am back and focused and ready to get the next couple pounds off asap!
Currently I have lost 70 something pounds... 62lbs more to go. I will have lost a average sized person after all of this! oye.
Everyone has been asking if I made any New Years Resolutions for 2013 and my answer is "to survive it". Look, I am all for goals, but I am a firm believer that setting big broad goals is a waste of everyones time and engergy. I dont have resolutions for 2013, I have resolutions for today. And then I'll make one for tomorrow. Or maybe I will get wild and set a goal for 3 days. WHOA! Watch out! This girl is getting wild and craaaazy!
I have found that if I set any goals for longer than 3 days, then it flies right out the window. For example: goal - "I'm going to only drink water for the next week!" Monday, doing good...water, water, water... Tuesday, starts off well, but then you go out with the girls and that glass of wine is calling your name. Fail. In my head (and maybe its just me), I say "man, I screwed up, I guess I will have to start back up on Sunday since I already screwed up this week... and since I already screwed this week up, I might as well finish off this lovely bottle of wine :-)" See why weekly goals never work? If I make daily goals, then if I screw them up, its cool, I start fresh tomorrow. Does this happen to anyone else or am I just totally messed up and have a screw loose?? I wouldn't be surprised if it was just me... lets be honest...
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Monday, October 1, 2012
I Look Like A Homeless Person.
So, lets see... where did we leave off?? hmmm... it has been sooo long. Hopefully everyone is back reading Kate's blog? Takes the pressure off of me :-)
Well let me take a second to get you up to speed. I have officially lost 56lbs. Hooray!
Let's be honest, 56lbs sounds like a ton, but if you look at the percentage of weight loss, it isn't THAT insane. I love that I have lost 56lbs,don't get me wrong, but I still want to lose another 70lbs. Then, and only then, will I be SUPER happy!
Here is the thing though... losing weight is E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E. Holy hell. I mean first of all, paying my awesome personal trainer to stalk me and make sure I show up at the gym at least 3 days a week costs a pretty penny. I am very lucky that I can afford her, she is worth her weight in gold. It really is priceless if you ask me, but not something every person can afford. Also, eating healthy food isn't exactly cheap. I totally get why poor people are always fat. It is waaay cheaper to grab fastfood every night for dinner. However, the most expensive part of the whole thing, is buying new clothes every month! I know what you are saying "well Marissa, you don't have to go buy a whole new wardrobe every 5 weeks" and that is partly true, but here are my options... 1. wear clothes that are too big and baggy and look like a hobo or 2. buy new pants every month
Trying to save myself a few bucks, I decided to take 5 hours out of my weekend and redo my closet. I really am proud of myself for doing such a thing without my Adderall. That being said, it would have probably taken me half the time had I been on my meds :-( But that's missing the point.
I took EVERYTHING out of my closet and started from scratch. I tried on every single article of clothing I own. It is amazing all the clothes that had gone missing deep in the depths of my closet. When Stacey and Clinton tell you to try shopping in your own closet, they aren't kidding, it really works!! I found so many things that I had totally forgotten about. I own a pair of jeans in almost every size they make. I am just going to slowly work my way down the sizes. I CANT WAIT!
Cleaning out my closet was both a blessing and a curse. It was a great ego boost realizing how many things were too big for me and sliding on a pair of jeans that hadn't fit in for a year. But it also kind of sucked because A LOT of things were too big and ended up in my "Donate" pile, or as I call it, my "Triple the Plus Size Section at Goodwill" pile. Some fat women out there are about to inherit a fantastic plus size wardrobe because of me :-) But now I am stuck in this wardrobe limbo area.... Half my clothes are too big for me and the other half are just a bit too snug. So I either look like a decently dressed homeless person or like a chubby hooker. What a pickle. My typical solution is to go buy new things but seriously, it is just a waste of money. Since I quit wearing super tight clothes in middle school, ok ok fine, maybe high school....I have decided on just wearing baggy clothes. I had to explain it to my doorman because he was judging me. I could see it in his eyes. I also felt the need to stand up and explain it to my whole team at work. God forbid everyone think I have turned into a slob. Luckily I work with a bunch of older men who didn't notice my new homeless look, or that I had lost weight. Seriously, guys are so clueless.
Oh and another annoying thing... I have managed to lose weight in my feet, so now my shoes don't even fit!!!! How odd and annoying is that? Really feet? REALLY?? I literally walk out of my stilettos. Hmph
Don't even get me started on the fact that I have to buy all new bras... $$$
I swear I have a point to this blog though....
My point is, I would pay any amount of money to be able to donate every article of clothing in my closet right now and go buy all new skinny clothes! And remember this the next time people are complaining about obesity in America... not that it is an excuse... but losing weight is expensive and it isn't something everyone can afford. I consider myself very fortunate that I can.
*I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes, it is late, I am tired and this stupid blog doesn't have spell check
Well let me take a second to get you up to speed. I have officially lost 56lbs. Hooray!
Let's be honest, 56lbs sounds like a ton, but if you look at the percentage of weight loss, it isn't THAT insane. I love that I have lost 56lbs,don't get me wrong, but I still want to lose another 70lbs. Then, and only then, will I be SUPER happy!
Here is the thing though... losing weight is E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E. Holy hell. I mean first of all, paying my awesome personal trainer to stalk me and make sure I show up at the gym at least 3 days a week costs a pretty penny. I am very lucky that I can afford her, she is worth her weight in gold. It really is priceless if you ask me, but not something every person can afford. Also, eating healthy food isn't exactly cheap. I totally get why poor people are always fat. It is waaay cheaper to grab fastfood every night for dinner. However, the most expensive part of the whole thing, is buying new clothes every month! I know what you are saying "well Marissa, you don't have to go buy a whole new wardrobe every 5 weeks" and that is partly true, but here are my options... 1. wear clothes that are too big and baggy and look like a hobo or 2. buy new pants every month
Trying to save myself a few bucks, I decided to take 5 hours out of my weekend and redo my closet. I really am proud of myself for doing such a thing without my Adderall. That being said, it would have probably taken me half the time had I been on my meds :-( But that's missing the point.
I took EVERYTHING out of my closet and started from scratch. I tried on every single article of clothing I own. It is amazing all the clothes that had gone missing deep in the depths of my closet. When Stacey and Clinton tell you to try shopping in your own closet, they aren't kidding, it really works!! I found so many things that I had totally forgotten about. I own a pair of jeans in almost every size they make. I am just going to slowly work my way down the sizes. I CANT WAIT!
Cleaning out my closet was both a blessing and a curse. It was a great ego boost realizing how many things were too big for me and sliding on a pair of jeans that hadn't fit in for a year. But it also kind of sucked because A LOT of things were too big and ended up in my "Donate" pile, or as I call it, my "Triple the Plus Size Section at Goodwill" pile. Some fat women out there are about to inherit a fantastic plus size wardrobe because of me :-) But now I am stuck in this wardrobe limbo area.... Half my clothes are too big for me and the other half are just a bit too snug. So I either look like a decently dressed homeless person or like a chubby hooker. What a pickle. My typical solution is to go buy new things but seriously, it is just a waste of money. Since I quit wearing super tight clothes in middle school, ok ok fine, maybe high school....I have decided on just wearing baggy clothes. I had to explain it to my doorman because he was judging me. I could see it in his eyes. I also felt the need to stand up and explain it to my whole team at work. God forbid everyone think I have turned into a slob. Luckily I work with a bunch of older men who didn't notice my new homeless look, or that I had lost weight. Seriously, guys are so clueless.
Oh and another annoying thing... I have managed to lose weight in my feet, so now my shoes don't even fit!!!! How odd and annoying is that? Really feet? REALLY?? I literally walk out of my stilettos. Hmph
Don't even get me started on the fact that I have to buy all new bras... $$$
I swear I have a point to this blog though....
My point is, I would pay any amount of money to be able to donate every article of clothing in my closet right now and go buy all new skinny clothes! And remember this the next time people are complaining about obesity in America... not that it is an excuse... but losing weight is expensive and it isn't something everyone can afford. I consider myself very fortunate that I can.
*I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes, it is late, I am tired and this stupid blog doesn't have spell check
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Just Part of the Journey
Have you ever thought of the process of gaining weight? Like have you ever looked at an obese person and said "how did they get to this point?" or "that can never happen to me!" because I use to all the time when I was skinny. And even now looking back I am still like "how the hell did this happen?? and why didn't someone hold a freaking intervention?!?!". But lets be honest, that's an awkward convo to have with someone and I am sure it wouldn't have gone over well with me even if someone had tried. In fact, maybe they did and I hated it so much I blocked it out of my memory... I occasionally do that :-)
No matter what, it isn't something anyone has really asked me until recently. Now I have a super nosy PT, who tends to moonlight as my therapist, and she asked me flat out, "Marissa, how did you gain this weight? when did it start? did something happen that triggered it? why did you let it get this out of hand?"
And I had to think about it for quite awhile. Part of the answer is easy... there isn't one specific thing caused it (other than poor eating habits and a lazy life style) and there isn't anyone to blame for it (other than me). Now I am sure Oprah or Dr. Phil would connect it to some deep underlying issue or something, but really, who has the time for that stuff? Not to mention, there are reasons for gaining the weight and then a whole different reason for keeping it on.
I, however, after lots of nights laying in bed thinking about it, have uncovered how it all kinda happened. It was a combination of being on my own at college and having to cook on my own mixed with large quantities of alcohol and pizza at 3am compiled with all my best friends being involved in their sororities and disappearing and being busy and then smushed together with a wardrobe of yoga pants and sweatshirts. Odd right? well at least the bit about yoga pants and sweatshirts? Ok let me explain. First of all, that is what every girl at college wore to class. Yoga pants, IU sweatshirt and uggs. It was like our uniform. Great thing... its comfy as hell. Bad thing: its hard to tell how much weight you've gained because the pants just stretch to cover your now giant ass and the sweatshirt hides a multitude of sins. So that answers the question of how it happened without me noticing. Also, I was surrounded by friends that didn't care what I looked like. They loved me for me, which is awesome, but explains why no one said "oh hey Marissa, you are getting a bit wide". My family probably wanted to say something but lets not forget I was 9 hours away from them, saw them twice a year and would have ripped them a new one for saying something. I woke up one day, and BOOM, I was fat. Crazy, I know, but that it how it happened. It wasn't a slow and steady process, it felt like it happened overnight, which is the scariest part of the whole thing.
Another interesting detail in all this weight gain is that I suffer from what I call "backwards anorexia". So anorexics don't eat and still see themselves as fat in the mirror, right? Well, I eat and eat and eat and I see myself as skinny in the mirror. Strange right? I think there is a more technical term for it... maybe some type of body dysmorphia? I don't know, I have a business degree, not a psych degree. No matter what, it has its pros and cons. Pro: when I look in the mirror I see myself as I was in high school and still think I am hot! Great for self esteem. Con: I had no sense of how heavy I had become. So this also explains how I let myself become so overweight... I never really saw it. I'd look in the mirror and see the girl I was when I was 19. I mean yes, I knew I was gaining weight deep down because my pant size was increasing and all the sudden I had this extra chin making appearances. But you would be surprised how easy it is to ignore all that. It wasn't until I started seeing pictures of myself or catching my shadow or reflection in a window that it started to sink in, and by then, the damage had been done.
I think a lot about how different my life would be if I had not gained the weight. If I would be happy... or happier I guess. How much would that one thing about my life change things for me? Change for the better? Maybe, maybe not. A significant part of me thinks I needed to gain the weight, that somehow it was part of my journey and that it saved me from something terrible that would have happened had I been skinny. I never really liked who I was when I was skinny. My priorities were screwed up, I wasn't very nice and had no compassion for other people. Maybe gaining weight made me a better person, maybe I just grew up. Either way, I like who I am now compared to who I was. It is hard to say who I would be and what I would be doing if I had never gained the weight, but I have a feeling I would be worse off...Although I think most people think the opposite. Biggest challenge now is convincing myself that I will not become that person again when I am skinny. Deep down I equate "skinny Marissa" with a person I didn't like and I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am not that person anymore and won't become her if I lose the weight. Therefore, it is time. Time to do this once and for all. I feel like I have come full circle and it was part of my journey and something that will always be apart of me, however, it is time to start a new phase, a much skinnier phase, a phase full of tank tops, summer dresses and skinny jeans!!
No matter what, it isn't something anyone has really asked me until recently. Now I have a super nosy PT, who tends to moonlight as my therapist, and she asked me flat out, "Marissa, how did you gain this weight? when did it start? did something happen that triggered it? why did you let it get this out of hand?"
And I had to think about it for quite awhile. Part of the answer is easy... there isn't one specific thing caused it (other than poor eating habits and a lazy life style) and there isn't anyone to blame for it (other than me). Now I am sure Oprah or Dr. Phil would connect it to some deep underlying issue or something, but really, who has the time for that stuff? Not to mention, there are reasons for gaining the weight and then a whole different reason for keeping it on.
I, however, after lots of nights laying in bed thinking about it, have uncovered how it all kinda happened. It was a combination of being on my own at college and having to cook on my own mixed with large quantities of alcohol and pizza at 3am compiled with all my best friends being involved in their sororities and disappearing and being busy and then smushed together with a wardrobe of yoga pants and sweatshirts. Odd right? well at least the bit about yoga pants and sweatshirts? Ok let me explain. First of all, that is what every girl at college wore to class. Yoga pants, IU sweatshirt and uggs. It was like our uniform. Great thing... its comfy as hell. Bad thing: its hard to tell how much weight you've gained because the pants just stretch to cover your now giant ass and the sweatshirt hides a multitude of sins. So that answers the question of how it happened without me noticing. Also, I was surrounded by friends that didn't care what I looked like. They loved me for me, which is awesome, but explains why no one said "oh hey Marissa, you are getting a bit wide". My family probably wanted to say something but lets not forget I was 9 hours away from them, saw them twice a year and would have ripped them a new one for saying something. I woke up one day, and BOOM, I was fat. Crazy, I know, but that it how it happened. It wasn't a slow and steady process, it felt like it happened overnight, which is the scariest part of the whole thing.
Another interesting detail in all this weight gain is that I suffer from what I call "backwards anorexia". So anorexics don't eat and still see themselves as fat in the mirror, right? Well, I eat and eat and eat and I see myself as skinny in the mirror. Strange right? I think there is a more technical term for it... maybe some type of body dysmorphia? I don't know, I have a business degree, not a psych degree. No matter what, it has its pros and cons. Pro: when I look in the mirror I see myself as I was in high school and still think I am hot! Great for self esteem. Con: I had no sense of how heavy I had become. So this also explains how I let myself become so overweight... I never really saw it. I'd look in the mirror and see the girl I was when I was 19. I mean yes, I knew I was gaining weight deep down because my pant size was increasing and all the sudden I had this extra chin making appearances. But you would be surprised how easy it is to ignore all that. It wasn't until I started seeing pictures of myself or catching my shadow or reflection in a window that it started to sink in, and by then, the damage had been done.
I think a lot about how different my life would be if I had not gained the weight. If I would be happy... or happier I guess. How much would that one thing about my life change things for me? Change for the better? Maybe, maybe not. A significant part of me thinks I needed to gain the weight, that somehow it was part of my journey and that it saved me from something terrible that would have happened had I been skinny. I never really liked who I was when I was skinny. My priorities were screwed up, I wasn't very nice and had no compassion for other people. Maybe gaining weight made me a better person, maybe I just grew up. Either way, I like who I am now compared to who I was. It is hard to say who I would be and what I would be doing if I had never gained the weight, but I have a feeling I would be worse off...Although I think most people think the opposite. Biggest challenge now is convincing myself that I will not become that person again when I am skinny. Deep down I equate "skinny Marissa" with a person I didn't like and I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am not that person anymore and won't become her if I lose the weight. Therefore, it is time. Time to do this once and for all. I feel like I have come full circle and it was part of my journey and something that will always be apart of me, however, it is time to start a new phase, a much skinnier phase, a phase full of tank tops, summer dresses and skinny jeans!!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Bless My Heart
I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.... IM A TERRIBLE BLOGGER!!!!
I'm starting to notice a pattern here.... I begin each of my blogs with an apology for not blogging. I REALLY need Kate to be done with camp and get blogging again to take the pressure off of me! oye.
So another month of my weight loss adventure has gone by and down another 10lbs! Yippie! Slow and steady wins the race right?? I hope so otherwise I'm screwed. I have some picture updates! So my personal trainer took a pic of me of my first day with her and then took another pic after 2 months. We accidentally forgot about taking a picture after a month. whoops and we take another pic next Monday so if its good I will post it later.
I can't believe I am actually posting these pictures on here... they are HORRIBLE pictures but they are my reality and although I am not exactly proud of them, they are part of my journey and therefore need to be up here. I mean, she could have at least used better lighting and a better angle to help a sister out... I swear my PT's goal was to make me look as bad as possible. I always tell her that my final weight loss picture will be of me in a bathing suit... she thinks I am kidding. Guess what. I'm not! Tiny little bikini... HERE I COME!!! (ok so that won't be for like 2 more years at this rate and I will not last that long blogging, but I promise, I will post that shit on facebook because I will look hoooooooooooot!!) Oh and lets all remember that these pictures were taken right before my workout in the gym, so looking hot and sexy wasn't exactly on my mind. Don't judge my outfit, hair and lack of makeup! Who looks good at the gym anyways??? NO ONE!
Ok here it goes....
Go Colts!!!!
and a lovely shot from behind....
Well I've had just about enough public embarrassment for one day so I am going to do us all a favor and stop posting pictures of myself in all my glory. I can almost hear everyone out there saying it... "bless her heart". Bless my heart is right! We should all just be happy my poor little heart didnt give out at some point... so yes, bless it please! The good news is that I will NEVER look like the "before" pictures EVER again. It can only get better from here, right?? This Treasure loves shrinking.
I'm starting to notice a pattern here.... I begin each of my blogs with an apology for not blogging. I REALLY need Kate to be done with camp and get blogging again to take the pressure off of me! oye.
So another month of my weight loss adventure has gone by and down another 10lbs! Yippie! Slow and steady wins the race right?? I hope so otherwise I'm screwed. I have some picture updates! So my personal trainer took a pic of me of my first day with her and then took another pic after 2 months. We accidentally forgot about taking a picture after a month. whoops and we take another pic next Monday so if its good I will post it later.
I can't believe I am actually posting these pictures on here... they are HORRIBLE pictures but they are my reality and although I am not exactly proud of them, they are part of my journey and therefore need to be up here. I mean, she could have at least used better lighting and a better angle to help a sister out... I swear my PT's goal was to make me look as bad as possible. I always tell her that my final weight loss picture will be of me in a bathing suit... she thinks I am kidding. Guess what. I'm not! Tiny little bikini... HERE I COME!!! (ok so that won't be for like 2 more years at this rate and I will not last that long blogging, but I promise, I will post that shit on facebook because I will look hoooooooooooot!!) Oh and lets all remember that these pictures were taken right before my workout in the gym, so looking hot and sexy wasn't exactly on my mind. Don't judge my outfit, hair and lack of makeup! Who looks good at the gym anyways??? NO ONE!
Ok here it goes....
 |
| Before After 2 Months |
Go Colts!!!!
and a lovely shot from behind....
 |
| Before After 2 months |
Well I've had just about enough public embarrassment for one day so I am going to do us all a favor and stop posting pictures of myself in all my glory. I can almost hear everyone out there saying it... "bless her heart". Bless my heart is right! We should all just be happy my poor little heart didnt give out at some point... so yes, bless it please! The good news is that I will NEVER look like the "before" pictures EVER again. It can only get better from here, right?? This Treasure loves shrinking.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
These Shows Should Be Illegal.
Good news: I am officially down 33lbs! Actually, according to the scale its closer to 40lbs but I am pretty sure 7 of those pounds have been from sweating all day and night for the last week due to this weather. 100lbs to go to get to my goal!!
Ok, so I really really really wanted to write some awesome and inspiring post this week, but it's 102 degrees out, my air conditioning is broken and I keep watching stupid weight loss tv shows... so I am a bit grumpy.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! DO NOT WATCH SHOWS ABOUT FAT PEOPLE LOSING INSANE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT IF YOU HAVE AN INSANE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT TO LOSE!!!
These shows should be illegal! You know what shows I am talking about... Biggest Loser... Extreme Makeover: Fat Person Edition... I get it, it is inspiring to watch a 500lb person become skinny without weightloss surgery and blah blah blah. The only things these shows do are make skinny people feel better about themselves (no offense skinny people, I love you) and make fat people feel worse about themselves. I mean, yes, I am sure some obese people out there get a bit inspired by seeing that it is possible to lose 200+ pounds without surgery, but holy moly, it is soooo crazy to think that a normal person can lose 90lbs in 90 days. I WISH!!!! I have never been big on watching Biggest Loser, but seriously, I have no cable tv and there is NOTHING on tv so I have now watched stupid Extreme Makeover: Fat Person Edition two weeks in a row. ugh
I walked into the gym the other day and asked my trainer why I am not able to lose 90lbs in 90 days and she just laughed at me. Apparently its possible only if you have 5-8 hours a day to spend in the gym, which I dont, so there goes my dream of getting super skinny super quick.
Another reason I hate these shows is because they scare the living daylights out of me. These people are having to get MAJOR reconstructive surgery after their weightloss. Seriously that wasn't even on my mind when I started this whole adventure. I never thought I was heavy enough to have to deal with that, I didn't think that I had destroyed my body so much that it would be forever destroyed. However, some of these stories I have been reading about and watching on tv are about people who weigh less than me and they are getting full body lifts?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Arms, sure... boobs, absolutely.... but entire body lifts? OH HELL NO.
I thought the weight loss part would be the hardest part, I never thought about all the possible surgeries and scars and financial costs that would follow. The good news is that I am still young so lets all say a quick prayer that my skin has that youthful elasticity thing going on! I also am not a smoker or a sunbather, which they say help too. I know this sounds odd, but I can totally understand why some people would rather just stay fat. When you are fat, you are essentially invisible. People don't really stare at you or say anything to you, they just completely ignore you and act like you dont exist. I cant imagine how hard it would be to become a skinny person with excess skin sagging all over. That is something people would stare at and whisper about, and that would be the more embarassing than just being fat. To work SOO hard to get skinny and healthy and STILL not be able to wear a bathing suit or a skirt or a tank top... I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking. That is my biggest fear. They say you are only given one body, be good to it, but what does one do if they have destroyed it beyond repair?
I know I am jumping the gun here, I mean seriously, who knows how my skin is going to look afterwards. I could be blessed with very forgiving skin. COME ON GOOD GENES!! But juuuuust to be safe, if yall have an extra minute...say a little prayer for me... I can use all the help I can get.
Ok, so I really really really wanted to write some awesome and inspiring post this week, but it's 102 degrees out, my air conditioning is broken and I keep watching stupid weight loss tv shows... so I am a bit grumpy.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! DO NOT WATCH SHOWS ABOUT FAT PEOPLE LOSING INSANE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT IF YOU HAVE AN INSANE AMOUNT OF WEIGHT TO LOSE!!!
These shows should be illegal! You know what shows I am talking about... Biggest Loser... Extreme Makeover: Fat Person Edition... I get it, it is inspiring to watch a 500lb person become skinny without weightloss surgery and blah blah blah. The only things these shows do are make skinny people feel better about themselves (no offense skinny people, I love you) and make fat people feel worse about themselves. I mean, yes, I am sure some obese people out there get a bit inspired by seeing that it is possible to lose 200+ pounds without surgery, but holy moly, it is soooo crazy to think that a normal person can lose 90lbs in 90 days. I WISH!!!! I have never been big on watching Biggest Loser, but seriously, I have no cable tv and there is NOTHING on tv so I have now watched stupid Extreme Makeover: Fat Person Edition two weeks in a row. ugh
I walked into the gym the other day and asked my trainer why I am not able to lose 90lbs in 90 days and she just laughed at me. Apparently its possible only if you have 5-8 hours a day to spend in the gym, which I dont, so there goes my dream of getting super skinny super quick.
Another reason I hate these shows is because they scare the living daylights out of me. These people are having to get MAJOR reconstructive surgery after their weightloss. Seriously that wasn't even on my mind when I started this whole adventure. I never thought I was heavy enough to have to deal with that, I didn't think that I had destroyed my body so much that it would be forever destroyed. However, some of these stories I have been reading about and watching on tv are about people who weigh less than me and they are getting full body lifts?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Arms, sure... boobs, absolutely.... but entire body lifts? OH HELL NO.
I thought the weight loss part would be the hardest part, I never thought about all the possible surgeries and scars and financial costs that would follow. The good news is that I am still young so lets all say a quick prayer that my skin has that youthful elasticity thing going on! I also am not a smoker or a sunbather, which they say help too. I know this sounds odd, but I can totally understand why some people would rather just stay fat. When you are fat, you are essentially invisible. People don't really stare at you or say anything to you, they just completely ignore you and act like you dont exist. I cant imagine how hard it would be to become a skinny person with excess skin sagging all over. That is something people would stare at and whisper about, and that would be the more embarassing than just being fat. To work SOO hard to get skinny and healthy and STILL not be able to wear a bathing suit or a skirt or a tank top... I can't imagine anything more heartbreaking. That is my biggest fear. They say you are only given one body, be good to it, but what does one do if they have destroyed it beyond repair?
I know I am jumping the gun here, I mean seriously, who knows how my skin is going to look afterwards. I could be blessed with very forgiving skin. COME ON GOOD GENES!! But juuuuust to be safe, if yall have an extra minute...say a little prayer for me... I can use all the help I can get.
Monday, June 18, 2012
It's the little things
Losing weight is hard. It never happens fast enough and the results are never noticeable enough... well to me at least. I mean dont get me wrong, I'm not delusional, I know I am not going to drop 20lbs over night, but a girl can still dream!! If I waited around to see the big differences in my weight loss, I may lose motivation and drive, so therefore I try to get excited about the little things. The things that seem trivial to some but are HUGE steps for me
For example, today I did a real push up!! Not a girly one or anything like that...I did a real life, army style, tough guy, push up. My personal trainer was making me do inch worms (my least favorite exercise EVER) and then, out of the blue, she stepped it up a notch and challenged me to do a girly push up in the middle of being an inch worm. However, my knee was bothering me so without thinking I just did a normal push up. Liz nearly fell off the bench she was sitting on. She was jumping all around as though I had just conquered Mt. Everest. Pretty sure she scared everyone else in the gym. So the good news is that I did a push up, the bad news is that now she knows I can do them and keeps making me do them! "Ummm... excuse me, do we have to do push ups just because I can?? Lets revisit the days when I couldn't do them!"
Also, I have officially retired a few pairs of pants!! Woohoo! A few pairs of workout pants, 2 pairs of dress pants and 1 pair of jeans... OFFICIALLY TOO BIG. Luckily for me I kept everything from the last time I lost some weight so I have a pair of jeans and slacks in every size down to my old high school size! I will be sooo happy to throw them all out. However Liz has asked me to keep a pair of my "before" pants and a shirt so that she can take one of those pics of me standing in one leg of my old pants, when Im skinny. Hahaha she has such high hopes for me!
And last but not least, my favorite small achievement. I walked from 6th Ave to 9th Ave, stood at a party for 2 hours, and then walked back to 6th Ave without my back hurting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This would have not been possible 2 months ago. Anyone that has walked around NYC with me, or anywhere for that matter, knows the back problems I deal with. It makes me never want to leave my apartment or go anywhere that involves a small walk. Now, don't get me wrong, Im pretty sure I am not able to go walk for miles and miles, but like I said... its the little things! 3 blocks are more than I could do 2 months ago. I'll take it!
I promise to try to blog more now that Kate has taken her summer hiatus. I know I cant make up for the lack of her blog, but I will try. I feel your pain, I am also going through withdrawal :-(
For example, today I did a real push up!! Not a girly one or anything like that...I did a real life, army style, tough guy, push up. My personal trainer was making me do inch worms (my least favorite exercise EVER) and then, out of the blue, she stepped it up a notch and challenged me to do a girly push up in the middle of being an inch worm. However, my knee was bothering me so without thinking I just did a normal push up. Liz nearly fell off the bench she was sitting on. She was jumping all around as though I had just conquered Mt. Everest. Pretty sure she scared everyone else in the gym. So the good news is that I did a push up, the bad news is that now she knows I can do them and keeps making me do them! "Ummm... excuse me, do we have to do push ups just because I can?? Lets revisit the days when I couldn't do them!"
Also, I have officially retired a few pairs of pants!! Woohoo! A few pairs of workout pants, 2 pairs of dress pants and 1 pair of jeans... OFFICIALLY TOO BIG. Luckily for me I kept everything from the last time I lost some weight so I have a pair of jeans and slacks in every size down to my old high school size! I will be sooo happy to throw them all out. However Liz has asked me to keep a pair of my "before" pants and a shirt so that she can take one of those pics of me standing in one leg of my old pants, when Im skinny. Hahaha she has such high hopes for me!
And last but not least, my favorite small achievement. I walked from 6th Ave to 9th Ave, stood at a party for 2 hours, and then walked back to 6th Ave without my back hurting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This would have not been possible 2 months ago. Anyone that has walked around NYC with me, or anywhere for that matter, knows the back problems I deal with. It makes me never want to leave my apartment or go anywhere that involves a small walk. Now, don't get me wrong, Im pretty sure I am not able to go walk for miles and miles, but like I said... its the little things! 3 blocks are more than I could do 2 months ago. I'll take it!
I promise to try to blog more now that Kate has taken her summer hiatus. I know I cant make up for the lack of her blog, but I will try. I feel your pain, I am also going through withdrawal :-(
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Lucky and Shrinking
I know, I know.... I haven't blogged in forever. Want to know why?
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY LOSING 23 FREAKING POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As Juju would say, "go you! go you! go you!".... Go me, go me, go me!
Yep, that's right people, this Treasure is officially shrinking. Now if I can just keep up this 20lbs a month thing, I will be a skinny minnie by Christmas. Ok, but lets keep it realistic here... maybe just 10lbs a month and I will be happy still. Either way, I will never be this weight again.
I even managed to drag myself to the gym a few times while in Marietta. Not to mention I am pretty sure 5 of the pounds I lost was due to nearly sweating to death every night. Scott likes to keep the house at a warm 79 degrees. Poor Penny was dying in her fur coat. Anyways it has been a great week. Down 23lbs, down a bunch of inches, BMI went down 4 points and got to spend the week hanging and being spoiled by Scott and Juju.
My personal trainer (who also thinks she is my shrink) pointed out a few things to me this week. She made me see how incredibly lucky I am to be in the situation I am. She really made me take a look at my life and helped me see that I am seriously fortunate. I have awesome friends who I love and who love me and entertain me to no end. I have a job that I absolutely adore and allows me to live the life I want. My dog is well behaved and is the best side-kick anyone could ask for. I have a great apartment and a car that works. And most importantly I have the best, most supportive, funniest family that anyone could ever ask for. My sister and her hubby are like the President and Vice President of my fan club. I'm not sure there are 2 bigger supporters out there. They tolerate my endless amounts of phone calls to update them on how my personal trainer tried to kill me. They even get excited for every pound I lose. It's fair though, after all, I listen to hours of my sister rambling on about frosting and turkeys and half marathons and camp and paint colors. And then there is Scott and Juju. How lost would I be without them?? Lord knows they are resposible for me turning into a functioning memeber of society. And bless them, they were soooo supportive when I was home. They could have eaten whatever they wanted all week but no, they followed my strict menu and never drifted. My food menu that my PT gives me isn't the most exciting menu out there. Pretty much the same meals over and over, but it didn't bother my mom and dad. They stuck it out like champs. I'm pretty sure they even cleaned out the pantry and fridge before I came home so that I wouldn't be tempted by anything. My dad didn't even get french fries when we went out to eat!!!! It was like being in the Twilight Zone... dododododo. It was really cute, Juju had to make cookies for a shower and trying to be supportive, she made the dough while I napped and then baked them while I slept in the next morning. It was probably best because I wanted to swan dive into the bowl of cookie dough. (Hey, give me a break, I'm only a month into this new life style.)
I never realized how important friends and family are in this process until my PT told me about her other clients. She has some clients that seriously struggle because their friends and family try to derail their weight loss. Lots of jealous and unsupportive people out there apparently. I'm lucky that my friends want what's best for me and know that I am not drinking alcohol right now and always offer up activities that dont center around going out to bars and parties. I am soo lucky that I don't have a crazy italian family that forces rich food down my throat and encourages me to "embrace my curves" when my curves are killing me. I'm lucky to have family members that are willing to go to the gym with me, that are willing to cook and eat the few things I can eat, and pick up my never ending phone calls to listen to me ramble on and on about what I had for dinner or what I did in the gym.
I am about as set up for success as anyone could be. This weight thing is my last hurdle. Even though I have a feeling that once I am skinny I am going to get hounded about finding a husband. I gave in on the weight loss thing, but I will be less likely to cave on the marriage issue. I don't want to get married until I'm 35 so dont even bother bringing it up :-)
So yea, I think it is safe to say I am a lucky girl and I have had a fantastic week.
I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY LOSING 23 FREAKING POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As Juju would say, "go you! go you! go you!".... Go me, go me, go me!
Yep, that's right people, this Treasure is officially shrinking. Now if I can just keep up this 20lbs a month thing, I will be a skinny minnie by Christmas. Ok, but lets keep it realistic here... maybe just 10lbs a month and I will be happy still. Either way, I will never be this weight again.
I even managed to drag myself to the gym a few times while in Marietta. Not to mention I am pretty sure 5 of the pounds I lost was due to nearly sweating to death every night. Scott likes to keep the house at a warm 79 degrees. Poor Penny was dying in her fur coat. Anyways it has been a great week. Down 23lbs, down a bunch of inches, BMI went down 4 points and got to spend the week hanging and being spoiled by Scott and Juju.
My personal trainer (who also thinks she is my shrink) pointed out a few things to me this week. She made me see how incredibly lucky I am to be in the situation I am. She really made me take a look at my life and helped me see that I am seriously fortunate. I have awesome friends who I love and who love me and entertain me to no end. I have a job that I absolutely adore and allows me to live the life I want. My dog is well behaved and is the best side-kick anyone could ask for. I have a great apartment and a car that works. And most importantly I have the best, most supportive, funniest family that anyone could ever ask for. My sister and her hubby are like the President and Vice President of my fan club. I'm not sure there are 2 bigger supporters out there. They tolerate my endless amounts of phone calls to update them on how my personal trainer tried to kill me. They even get excited for every pound I lose. It's fair though, after all, I listen to hours of my sister rambling on about frosting and turkeys and half marathons and camp and paint colors. And then there is Scott and Juju. How lost would I be without them?? Lord knows they are resposible for me turning into a functioning memeber of society. And bless them, they were soooo supportive when I was home. They could have eaten whatever they wanted all week but no, they followed my strict menu and never drifted. My food menu that my PT gives me isn't the most exciting menu out there. Pretty much the same meals over and over, but it didn't bother my mom and dad. They stuck it out like champs. I'm pretty sure they even cleaned out the pantry and fridge before I came home so that I wouldn't be tempted by anything. My dad didn't even get french fries when we went out to eat!!!! It was like being in the Twilight Zone... dododododo. It was really cute, Juju had to make cookies for a shower and trying to be supportive, she made the dough while I napped and then baked them while I slept in the next morning. It was probably best because I wanted to swan dive into the bowl of cookie dough. (Hey, give me a break, I'm only a month into this new life style.)
I never realized how important friends and family are in this process until my PT told me about her other clients. She has some clients that seriously struggle because their friends and family try to derail their weight loss. Lots of jealous and unsupportive people out there apparently. I'm lucky that my friends want what's best for me and know that I am not drinking alcohol right now and always offer up activities that dont center around going out to bars and parties. I am soo lucky that I don't have a crazy italian family that forces rich food down my throat and encourages me to "embrace my curves" when my curves are killing me. I'm lucky to have family members that are willing to go to the gym with me, that are willing to cook and eat the few things I can eat, and pick up my never ending phone calls to listen to me ramble on and on about what I had for dinner or what I did in the gym.
I am about as set up for success as anyone could be. This weight thing is my last hurdle. Even though I have a feeling that once I am skinny I am going to get hounded about finding a husband. I gave in on the weight loss thing, but I will be less likely to cave on the marriage issue. I don't want to get married until I'm 35 so dont even bother bringing it up :-)
So yea, I think it is safe to say I am a lucky girl and I have had a fantastic week.
I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR BEING SO SUPPORTIVE!!!!!!!!!
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